What to do When Constructive Criticism doesn't Feel Constructive

People are Getting a Little too Honest

Constructive criticism. It used to be that constructive criticism was a crafted path to growth. A learning opportunity. It’s a real art to give constructive feedback. I have yet to meet more than a handful of people that can do it. It is a thoughtful process. You can tell when it is genuine.

When it’s not genuine, there is no growth. It’s delivered through metaphorical gritted teeth.

Generally, my goal as a person trying to be more ~enlightened~ I move gently. Allowing people to do their own thing, we are all just figuring out how to people after all. I don’t typically feel the need to comment on every feeling or perceived wrongdoing. I try to do better at running things through my mental filter. My sensitivity colander. Letting the unimportant parts rush down the drain while the good stuff hangs on.

When the feedback is asked for and delivered in an effective way, it can be a great catalyst for change. We aren’t meant to do things alone and there is a certain beauty in putting another set of eyes on something.

There are plenty of times when people say things that hurt me or that don’t make sense. I remember the intent over impact and unless there are lingering bruises or I have so much invested in the relationship that I need to get something off my chest, I don’t really find a need to over criticize.

Friends sometimes say dumb stuff, I know what they mean and if I don’t I try to ask for more clarity. In the work place I certainly don’t have time to address every perceived indiscretion. I would never get anything done.

So, am I wrong in thinking that people are getting a little too comfy cozy? Is it maybe just my face that invites an openness and honesty that is not always productive? I am all about self growth but … I don’t need to know every thought.

I am seeing a lot of people in my circle and periphery that are using the guise of constructive criticism to alleviate their own resentments. Because, if I say “I just wanted you to be aware” it’s kind of the equivalent of “no offense” when saying something that is absolutely offensive.

If you’ve ever been pulled aside to say, “I just wanted to make you aware” or “just for next time”...I see you. I may see you, but I won’t give you feedback on it.